At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
