I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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