I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
