My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Will exercising make me less horny?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
