that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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