i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
