Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
