Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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