before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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