wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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