You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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