just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
