that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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