i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
