when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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