Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
