Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
