Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
