I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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