I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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