I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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