Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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