Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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