He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
