So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick