problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
