It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.