Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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(248): View more from Michigan

I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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(302): View more from Delaware

Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(254): View more from Texas

Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them

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(269): View more from Michigan

And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick

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