i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
