I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
