I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
