I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
