it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
