I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
