I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
