the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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