I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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