I am in a vortex of obligation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
