I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
