I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
