Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
