I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
