Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
