Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
