Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
