So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
