I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
