i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
