Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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