Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
