2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
