He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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