Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
