It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
