I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
