Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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