Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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