sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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