Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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