i will never coherently bang her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
