not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
