just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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