She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she peed on how many people?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
