Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
