at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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