if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
