I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Actions speak louder than pants.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
